How a Microwave Helped Me Understand Relationships.

With a microwave, things get hot quicker than conventional methods of cooking. What would take 5-10 minutes to make on the stove, it happens in seconds with a microwave. But if you don’t consume it right away, it gets cold and unwanted. That’s how most of my relationships have been for the most part. I never understood why but I blamed toxicity, I blamed my own issues with abandonment and I’ve also blamed the world when in reality, nothing is actually wrong with this. Especially when you see relationships the same way you see a microwave.

I’ll explain.

I was reading an article by Max Njuguna Macharia about this topic. He explained how there is two perspectives you can view this from. And if you glance at the microwave, you’ll understand. The first is the timer perspective and the second is the glass plate perspective.

The Timer Perspective

With the timer perspective, you ask yourself two questions:

  1. When is the right time to date and
  2. When should we start the dating timer.

Sounds like two simple questions that you already know the answer to, doesn’t it? Trust me, you couldn’t be more wrong.

This method has taught me that the right time to date is when you decide that dating is good for nothing. Nothing at all.

What do you mean dating is good for nothing?

Exactly what I said.

People assume that you need to have “someone” in order to do the things you want to do in life. Like, people don’t realize that when they need someone to talk to, there are other people besides a partner or significant other that could be there for you. You have parents, siblings, immediate family and friends that can be there for you. You want to try the new seafood restaurant out in town, it doesn’t have to be your boyfriend or girlfriend enjoying it with you, but your best friend could go along for the trip. And if it’s sex and kisses and that touch you are seeking, nowadays it’s okay to actually have a “friend with benefits” if that’s what you’re actually looking for. So, truly when you see it from this perspective, you don’t need to have a somebody to enjoy life.

The answer to the second question well, is just as simple. You’re ready to date when you realize that you’ll always be single. Relax, even if you’re currently in a relationship, you’re really single, just sharing your time with someone else. But look at it this way, when you’re single you are doing all kinds of things to make yourself right for the next situation. Whether it’s going to the gym, you start dressing better, talking different maybe hanging out a little later than usual, regardless you’re working on you for you. At least I hope. The minute you get into a relationship, you become comfortable. You don’t mind missing the gym day and it’s okay to wear sweats and a tee shirt for multiple days in a row because you’ve already found that person. You stop pushing yourself to become better. You become complacent even. So if you place it in your mindset that being single is important, you’ll spend every day looking to improve yourself, regardless if you’re in a relationship or not.

The Glass Plate Perspective

Then there is the glass plate perspective we all know that you can’t throw any plate into a microwave and expect it to operate properly. Don’t believe me and have some money to spare, throw a regular plate in the microwave and hate me later.

But the glass plate perspective teaches us two things:

  1. The person you look to date should be in line with your purpose in life and
  2. The person you choose is not and will never be perfect.

With the first thought, how could you date someone that doesn’t push you towards your dreams? Like you want to be a musician but your significant other wants you to quit your “garage band” and start chasing more realistic goals like getting a job. That’s not what you want, so how do you guys fit? How do you mesh if the person you are with aren’t pushing to be the best version of you?

Every JAY Z needs a Beyonce and every Barak Obama needs a Michelle. I understand people say opposites attract but you’ve never seen a lion with a gazelle have you? So why would you date someone that doesn’t fit into your box? So, why choose that plate that’s not going to make your microwave run effectively. It doesn’t make sense.

Which brings us to the second thought, that your partner will never be perfect. Social Media and television has painted a picture in our minds that dating is supposed to be one way. That all love stories end with things being “happily ever after.” That’s the quickest way to fail. If you expect your partner to be perfect, you’ll be disappointed 100% of the time. But if you’re willing to apply pressure but be patient with your partner you just may craft something much more beautiful like a diamond, which is beautiful but never truly perfect.

Makes Sense?

Looking at relationships the same way you see a microwave will help some. Others will look at this and say this makes no sense. But if you use the timer to focus on you and envision the glass plate as your partner, you’ll realize that you should always work on you, never becoming complacent. You should see you’re partner as your perfect fit but never view them to be completely perfect because some times the plate comes off track and you have to fix it or even replace it if it doesn’t fit.

Hopefully if you’re single, you remain single even when meeting someone you plan to be with forever and even though that person may seem perfect, they will never be.

I hope this helps. Leave a comment below and tell me what you think.

Published by Kareem Gaynor

Kareem Gaynor aka Pres Remo is an African-American writer, songwriter, photographer and graphic designer from Brooklyn, NY. He's self taught and self motivated although he finds inspiration in many places. Follow his antics on social media at @iampresremo.

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