I’ve been in a creative funk as of late. I’m not quite sure what’s the cause of it, but creatively I’ve been a mess. The ideas are there, but finding ways to make the ideas come to life has been my biggest trouble.
I don’t feel like the lost little child anymore looking for love in women and material items or even money. I know those things mean nothing if I’m not happy. But I’ve been on the borderline of happiness and checking myself into a psych ward.
But it’s not like I’m not happy because I don’t have money. I’m not unhappy because of a situation with a woman or at home. I’m not happy because I know my life isn’t being fulfilled. I’ve made my mistakes. Karma has really kicked my a… (Can I curse in blogs because my brain curses a lot and these are just my thoughts really. So I figure I can… )
Music has saved my life countless times. Through every bad, there’s been good. Every good had something to do with music. Once again, music has saved my life.
You, you can’t live without music. You can’t dance, you can’t take a shower (unless you’re weird), and you can’t even love without music. Music speaks to the soul like nothing else. To know someone relates to you on a whole other level just puts things in proper perspective for me.
But its also the location. People say home is where the heart is. And I’ve had many homes. I know some people who have never left home. I’ve never had one. So I can’t tell you where my heart is.
I’ve had an address, I’ve lived places. But it never felt like home to me. My heart was always somewhere else. And honestly, I believe my heart is somewhere I’ve never been before.
It’s weird to think that my heart, the one thing that you can’t live without is somewhere I’ve never seen. Someplace I’ve never smelt or felt the breeze touch my skin. But its the one place, I’ve wanted to travel to since I first heard Tupac’s ‘To Live and Die in LA’. But not just travel to, I wanted to live and die in Los Angeles.
To hear him poetically describe a scene in a neighborhood where most people would be scared to visit, makes me want to visit more growing up in my own hell throughout New York City as a foster child. Not saying, I’m on a suicide mission or anything, but I want to grow old there that’s all.
And it brings me all back to the music. I’ve always wanted to write music that resembled Tupac’s vision more than that of Biggie’s cause I wasn’t the drug dealer tho I was a hustler. But Pac really made you feel the music. So I’m going to journal in a blog my journey there while creating the first official album that I’ll release sometime this year.
And hopefully, I can get a Tupac sample cleared. Until next time.