You’re Probably Not Going To Read This but I figured I’d share a piece of my story with you.
I grew up in a rough situation and those that know me may have heard it. Moms and Pops both split, Grams was already gone so, foster care it is. Wasn’t the best foster parents but they were they ones that state gave and it wasn’t like I had a choice. It wasn’t like they offered you options on where’d you like to go. But it’s whatever now at this point.
At home, I didn’t hear about how good I was at something, or how my grades kept coming in with good scores, or how I use to destroy the CAT testing they gave in NYC Public Schools, it was always how I messed something up, or forgot to do this or how I wasn’t good enough.
It seeped into my adulthood and I never realized it. It was hard to get out of bed most mornings because I always felt it wasn’t worth it. Sometimes I prayed that I wouldn’t wake up, fortunately GOD had other plans for me.
I’ve always had ambition tho. I always viewed my situation as building blocks to wherever life was going to lead me and I’m thankful for it because I’d be lost without the experiences I had in life. I didn’t have the same opportunities as everyone else, I didn’t have the shoulder to cry on or run to when things got rough and I needed a break. I just had to figure out how to get up and get to it and I can’t front I was able to shake it for as long as possible or until the belly started to rumble again.
I never had a lot of money and I’ve never been the flyest person walking the neighborhoods, but I was a good person. I’d give my last if you needed it, and unfortunately a lot of people took advantage of my good nature. Women came and went when they realized my potential was adding up, friends only came around cause I was one of the best bud dealers that I knew of.
But what these people didn’t know was that I just wanted someone, anybody to be there for me. It didn’t matter what you had, I just wanted someone to appreciate me for me and not for what I wanted in life or what I could do for them at the moment. I never asked for anything from someone that I knew I could obtain myself. Only thing I ever asked someone was to not leave, my abandonment issues were going to be the death of me if I never realized what I brought to the table.
Now that I know, it doesn’t matter if my tweets don’t get RT’d and it doesn’t matter who likes my stuff on Facebook. It doesn’t matter if the women I wanted to date didn’t see me as dating material or found me attractive. Yeah, I’m short and yeah, my beard doesn’t grow, but I’ll never let that stop me from thinking I am one of the greatest people to walk this earth. It took a long time to have the confidence in myself that I do now, it took decades before I realized my worth and what I bring to the table and if you’re reading this, I pray that it doesn’t take you that long.
I’m writing this in hopes that maybe you’ll read it and it helps you know that you aren’t alone in your struggle. I’m here with you. I still don’t have it all together, it’s days where I question what must I do to be noticed. I gave up on making music because the support wasn’t there, but regardless who clicks this link or who doesn’t, I will never stop writing. There’s people out there in this world who need a me, and I’m gonna be there for you.
It’s not gonna be easy and the road is gonna be rocky and you might end up with corns and bunions, but you’re no longer walking alone. And when you get that opportunity to massage away those corns and get them cuticles cleaned out you’ll know what I mean when I say it’s worth it.
I hope this helps you but then again You’re Probably Not Going To Read This anyway.